Finding a new rhythm

It's been a hard week.  It's funny because Sammy didn't do much but lay around and sleep the last few months.  But her presence was still huge.  And we had routines at meal time, and walk time, that heavily involved her since her issues made things a bit more complicated.  It's been at those times, and even more so when I lay in bed at night and look at her empty space, that I feel most sad.  Some of the dogs are really missing her too, and some seem quite oblivious.

So we've all been finding a new groove this week.  I have been really trying to focus on the living, in the hopes that it will ease the pain of her death.  Each day gets a bit easier, though I still find myself desperately wanting to cuddle with my sweetest girl.

I've also been looking back at the many pictures I have taken of her over the years.  I know I am a bit picture crazy, but I am SO grateful for all the pictures now!  I just don't think you can take enough.  I have been marveling at how black and sleek Sammy looked in her youth.  It's pretty amazing how much our dogs change over time, and we don't really see it as we look at them every day.

I realized after I wrote my last post that I didn't even mention all the titles she got in agility.  And that got me really thinking about how little they matter.  I'd trade them all for another day with her.  The titles are a mere nod to the relationship that I built with Sammy and the amazing journey we had.  So many are caught up in the chase for titles, which I do understand, but lose sight of the moments that we share with our dogs that make up the journey.

I've lost dogs before.  I've lost old dogs, that I rescued and loved.  I lost Jive, and that shattered me in a way that is hard to describe.  But losing Sammy is a different loss---she's the first dog I've lost that I created an intense, deep connection with over a long period of time.  I think when you choose to train your dog in a sport, and you spend hours and hours training them, competing with them, traveling with them, you create an even more special bond, on a different level.

I am grateful that most of the people that I surround myself with understand my grief on some level.  My dogs are my family, and it's hard when you lose a piece of your family.  But it's all part of sharing our lives with beings who just don't live nearly long enough.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I will be forever grateful to Sammy for all the lessons she taught me and the amazing amount of love she gave me, even when I didn't deserve it.

Saying goodbye

Silver Bullet Sammy

5/1/00-6/29/14

Saying goodbye to our beloved companions is one of the most painful experiences an animal lover can go through.  On one hand, it's an amazing gift to be able to release our dogs from their pain and suffering, but it sure is hard to make that final decision.  I hope that I am always so connected to my dogs that I will know when they tell me it's time to go.  And after 13.5 years to the day of sharing my life with sweet Sam Sam, she told me loud and clear that she was done with her body.  Knowing she likely had a brain tumor and there was no hope of her getting any better, it was time to free her, even though every ounce of my being wanted to fight it.  I know she would have kept going if I asked her to, as she was so loyal and bonded, but it would have been very selfish of me.

For the last six months or so, Sammy has been deteriorating, and had become a dog I barely recognized. She was no longer the happy go lucky, vibrant, feisty dog I spent so much time with.  So I had plenty of time to prepare for this.  But I realize now that you are never prepared for something like this, no matter how hard you try.  Sam was the matriarch of the house, and the pack seems so much smaller without her in it.  And she always walked right behind me on our walks, and that space is so empty now.

I adopted Sammy from the Charlottesville Albemarle SPCA on December 29, 2000.  She had been dropped off by her former owner less than 2 hours before I walked in and saw her.  She still had her collar and tags on.  And she had clearly been loved as her intake form said that she loved tennis balls and sleeping on the bed.  I suspect that she was surrendered for her separation anxiety, which I was soon to learn all about.  She was also a very high energy pup that need a ton of exercise.  

The first few years I had Sammy, most of our time was spent working through her anxiety, giving her tons of exercise (she loved running alongside my horse on trial rides) and doing basic obedience work.  I then started training her in agility to keep her busy mind occupied.  She took to it quite naturally but once in group classes, I realized that she also had an issue with new dogs.  So I had to work on her dog/dog issues as well.  It took me a few years to get her ready to compete, though looking back I realize that if I knew just half of what I know now about dog behavior, we would have been much more successful.  But she started me on my journey, and had much to teach me.

So we started competing in late 2003 and that was a wild, wild ride!  Sammy had major arousal issues and after being released from her startline stay, would maybe take the first jump, maybe not, and zoom around the ring at 100 mph, taking obstacles that wound up in her path, and ignoring me completely.  She even ran right out of the ring a few times!!!  Oh boy, I had no idea what to do with her!!  It took me a few years more of working with her to convince her to play the game with me.  And that was part of my journey as well---I had to learn how to make running with ME at agility trials fun and more rewarding then zooming around on her own.

Sammy taught me so much about patience, teaching dogs self control and creating a deeper relationship.  All the work paid off and by 2005, she had become a nice, consistent partner.  Distance work was never her strong suit but she rocked at snooker.  One day I will have to go look and see how many snooker Q's that girl has.  In late 2006, she hurt her back at a trial and she never quite fully recovered.  I still trialed her sporadically, because she so enjoyed it, but I stopped asking her to do many contacts and weaves.  At just 17" tall, she ran in USDAA performance her entire career so I was thrilled when I could run her in veterans at lower height since she still loved jumpers courses.  Below is her second to last competition run, I don't have her last on video.  But I am so glad I have this one to remind me of my girlie.  

Sammy was always the queen of the house.  She was respected by all the dogs, and had very clear rules for interacting with her.  She slept literally next to me every night for 13.5 years.  Oh, she was such a cuddlebug. She gave the BEST hugs---she'd put her paws on my shoulders and tuck her head in under my chin and just stay there.  I can't even begin to count the number of hours we spent just walking together and going for hikes.  For the last few years, she came to work with me and insisted on our midday walks.  One of Sammy's favorite pastimes was bobbing for rocks in water.  I would toss a rock into the stream, and somehow she'd find the exact one and bring it back out to shore.  At the beach, she'd do the same with seashells.  Such a funny girl.  Until her brain and body would no longer let her, she lived life to the fullest.

This is how I want to remember my girlie:

 Sammy still enjoyed walks right to the end

 She looked pretty good for 14!

 She was always right behind me

Behind me again....

Rest in peace, my sweetest cuddlebug.  I know we'll meet again.

Let the games begin!

I had Gypsy xrayed last week and her growth plates are closed.  Yay!  So I feel comfortable doing a bit more with her now, after trying to protect her body for so long.

So I've started some very basic jump training, though I will take my time there to make sure she is confident with the increasing height without doing too many reps.  I am a firm believer that a dog has only so many jumps in it's body over the course of it's lifetime, so I make it a point to not drill jumping too much with my dogs.  I broke my very first agility dog that way, so I won't make that mistake again.

More excitedly, I started Gypsy's weave pole training!  Weaves are my absolute favorite obstacle to teach!!! My goal is to have her doing 12 poles in 12 days but we'll see how it goes.  She is, however, off to a brilliant start.

I am using the 2x2 method to teach her, which I've been happy with for most of the dogs I've used it with.  I didn't video the first session, which was just shaping her to go through the two poles, as shown in this article by Mary Ellen Barry:
http://www.kineticdog.com/Media/Articles/2x2Article.aspx

Since she's a shaping fiend, she got it instantly.  I remembered my camera for the next session.  So here she is on her 2nd session shaping the poles using food.  She was slightly distracted by the bunny that ran through the yard on our way out the door but was a good girlie!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bnfDXHSC57Y&list=UUdZ8ihnH4f6CNo8XYOECFAA

Our next session I decided to use a toy, as she just gets more excited about play.  This session was great. Her success rate is good, but I liked seeing her work through the failures and figure it out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pPz9cPmrIc&list=UUdZ8ihnH4f6CNo8XYOECFAA

I am going to try to do two sessions a day, we'll see if the weather and my schedule cooperate.  Gypsy really hates the heat, unless she's in the water anyway, so I will have to get my sessions in early or late.  My next session will focus on entries from the top of the arc, which is harder to see visually for the dog.

And lastly, I have to share this video too.  Just because the girl keeps me laughing all the time.  I am truly afraid one day she's going to break her own neck!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pPz9cPmrIc&index=2&list=UUdZ8ihnH4f6CNo8XYOECFAA

Where the Journey Started

July 1998

My journey with dogs started almost 16 years ago.  Well, I did have a dog as a young child, a German Shepherd named Kodiak, but he bit me all the time and I don't think I was particularly sad when he ran away.  And growing up, all the dogs I knew either bit me or tried to--especially when I delivered newspapers on my bicycle!  It's kind of amazing that I even like dogs after all those bad experiences.  But with the initials PAW, I guess it was destiny.

In 1998, I was in the middle of an auto immune crisis and beyond miserable.  It was suggested that maybe I get a dog to distract me.  Who would have thought that one little beagle pup would change the entire course of my life?  I remember the day I picked him up like it was yesterday.  It was July 11, 1998 in Phoenix.  The temperatures was around 110 degrees out and when I pulled up to this house in the suburbs of Phoenix, there were two little peanuts laying in the front yard of the house, under a tree with misters on them.  When we approached, one pup was bouncing all over the place and the other was just watching intently, taking me in.  I knew instantly that the quieter one was mine.  But wait, I was just going to LOOK at the puppies, not actually get one!!!!

So one trip the pet store for tons of supplies, another to the ATM to pay for the little nugget (cash discount!) and home we went.  The breeder had told me how my little guy had fallen in their pool at 5 weeks of age and they found him unconscious but managed to revive him.  So that made naming him quite simple--his name would be Chance, for the second chance at life he got.  That was the only simple part of raising him!!!  I had no idea what I was doing.  If one could make a list of all the possible things you can do wrong in raising a puppy, I did it.  Punishment, choke chains, alpha rolls, putting his nose in accidents in the house, spraying him with Binaca breath spray for biting and chewing.  Sigh...the list is long since I pretty much spent the first two years of his life doing things wrong.  By that point, when I said "come", Chance ran the other way!!!

In San Diego in 1999

But there were things I did right too.  I socialized the heck out of him and he got tons of exercise.  I played tons of ball with him and we have hundreds of miles of trails walked together.  I took him everywhere I went and he loved to ride in the car and travel.  The little dude has been from San Diego to Maine, Mexico and Canada.

And I kept taking training classes, albeit the wrong ones.  It wasn't until I moved to Virginia when he was two and saw the agility course behind my new vet that another kind of training existed.  A gentler, more respectful approach that built up a relationship, instead of tearing it down.  I will be forever grateful to Teri Hamrick for showing me a better way, and being a huge part of my journey with Chance.

But you know, not once did Chance hold any of my mistakes against me.  That's how dogs are.  They forgive, much faster and easier than humans.  Chance led me to the right path and neither of us ever looked back.  I still feel bad for my mistakes, but all Chance remembers now is all the good. That's what makes dogs so incredible.  They have an amazing ability to just live in the moment.

We found positive training together, we learned the ins and outs of agility (and I learned many more lessons from him there) and he was might right hand in training classes and behavior modification lessons.  He has been an enthusiastic partner in anything I've asked of him whether it was dog sports, therapy dog work or assisting with a dog aggressive dog.  And he's been one of those dogs that has been welcome anywhere we go, he has always been just a darn good dog.

Always with his favorite ball in his mouth in 2001

16 years has gone by in a flash.  Chance has been with me through so many changes during that time---he truly has been my only constant for so long.  I suspect that Chance would have preferred that so many more dogs not have come into my life during that time.  But he'd never hold that against me either, as they each had lessons to teach me as well.

As the days go by, and he struggles more and more, I find myself grieving him already.  I know he's not gone, but I miss the young, vibrant, energetic dog he used to be.  I miss the dog that threw his special pink ball at me to toss it for him incessantly, the dog who always knew where I hid his treats and woofed at the cabinet, the dog who ran next to me while I rode my horse.  I've been looking at tons of pictures lately---thank goodness I have always been camera happy as I have tons of pictures--and refreshing my memory of what he was like in his youth.

In the meantime, I give thanks that I've been blessed with him for so long.  I fully realize that many dogs don't get nearly this much time here on earth.  I don't know how much time he has left, but it's my mission to make whatever time he has left the best it possibly can be.  I owe it to him, after all the's given me over the years.  His world is much smaller now, as he can't hear, see or move very well anymore.  But he still loves nothing more than a big adventure and I'll keep joining him on them for as long as we have left together.

Me and my boy 1999

The girlies!

So Envy has come home to visit for a few weeks, with Callie, while Kristen makes the move from WI to NC.  It's been sooooo much fun seeing how similar (and different!) the girls are.  First, they are just BFFs. They love each other.  It's so cute to watch them playing together and having so much fun.  I was concerned there might be some snarkiness but they just get along so well.  I was also SURE that Gypsy was going to be the more dominant of the two, but I was wrong.  She totally defers to Envy.  Dog dynamics are just so fascinating!!  And what pleases me most is how incredible Envy is with all the other dogs in the house.  She's just perfectly appropriate.

Envy is very, very herdy though!  And with as many dogs as we have, Envy is always going around some dog to stand at the balance point.  But then she doesn't want to come into me.  And she's quite funny, because she constantly afraid she's going to miss out on some action---to the point where she doesn't want to eat.  She just needs to get back to work!!!

What has surprised me most is her energy and drive levels.  I was sure she was going to be more low key than Gypsy.  But nope, Envy is her momma's daughter!  An energizer bunny with incredible stamina.  She does have a great off switch when tired, and is really awesome about self entertaining like Rave.  Gypsy isn't great at occupying herself---unless she's putting her ball under furniture!  Envy is a stronger tugger than Gypsy, as Gyps tends to do a lot of regripping.  But Envy grabs it an just hangs on!  On the flip side, Gypsy is a killer retriever and Envy is often too busy "working" the other dogs to think about retrieving.  

I took both girls to the agility trial this weekend and oh my, Envy went a bit crazy watching the dogs run in the ring.  I saw this behavior emerge in Gypsy quite early on and I nipped it in the bud quickly.  But I had a very hard time holding on to Envy ringside!!  Though she did tug like an absolute fiend for me.  Envy was a social butterfly though and was outstanding hanging out in a crate in the car all day.

The trial itself was a mixed bag.  Rival was just a tiny bit off Thursday and Friday when we went on our walks and in his first run Saturday morning, I could tell he wasn't right.  He was super amped to run but when I released him off the start line to jump then weave, he weaved like he was 12 years old, super slow.  And the weaves are by far his favorite obstacle, which he usually goes through whining.  Then he drop a bar, and another.  Which he never does.  So I took him for a massage right afterwards and there was nothing obvious but going back to the car he was clearly quite lame on a front leg.  :-(  So rest it is!

Rave has an amazing day on Saturday.  She's truly coming into her own finally.  Part maturity, part training.  I am learning how best to run her, and I am giving her much more credit for knowing her job.  I was so focused on Rival for so long, she took a back seat.  Now it's time for her to shine before her daughter takes over the spotlight!!

But then Saturday night, Rob took the dogs out for a quick game of frisbee and Rave landed badly and hurt her back.  Showing how much heart she has, she tried to run Sunday morning, but I could tell she was hurting halfway around the course so I pulled her and ended her day early.  So she's resting now too.  It just wasn't meant to be a terribly productive trial, I suppose.  At least the weather was gorgeous and we got to attend the most fun and crazy agility wedding ever.

I also need to note that Rave LOVES having her baby Envy back home.  On Thursday, when I took them all to the farm for a good long run, Rave was so happy showing Envy and Callie around the playground.  She was clearly saying "follow me, I'll show you all the fun spots".  So cute.

On Friday, Ripp joined us for an 11 month old birthday party.  Envy doesn't seem to recognize Ripp as her brother at all.  She's super submissive to him.  But he's such a good boy and just loves everyone.  I LOVE how these babies are turning out!!   

The Mother Hen

I've learned this past year that breeding isn't for the faint of heart.  And I have also learned that I am more of a worry wart than I thought.  From the day Rave was bred up until this very moment, I worry about all of the puppies.  It's just my nature to do so, and while many keep telling me not to worry so much, I just plain can't help it!!!   I love all six of those babies (and their momma) so much and they will always hold a special place in my heart.

I've been so worried about little Jayce and I will continue to do so until he has his surgery and is fully recovered.  Knowing that border collies are hard on their bodies, I have worried about their joints since they were born.  I still lift Gypsy off the bed when I catch her in time and while she gets tons of free running and a tiny bit of retrieving, I am still being super protective.

The biggest fears in breeding come from the unknown.  Despite extensive research, health testing and raising puppies the best you can for eight weeks, breeding is still genetic roulette.  My Rival is a good example of this.  He came from an amazing breeder, and an equally amazing stud dog owner.  His pedigree is lovely and there was no reason to think there would be any issues with the cross.  But then the hip dysplasia turned up in his brother and at first it was thought to be diet and environment driven.  But eventually Rival was diagnosed with it as well.  I was devastated when I found out, as Rival had already proved himself to be an incredible representation of the Australian Shepherd breed.  And to this day, I am still so sad I wasn't able to have a puppy out of him.  But at age six, he's still sound and doing the things he loves and for that I am grateful.  But that genetic roulette raised it's ugly head.

Rob doesn't think I should ever have another litter.  He's already concerned about how much I worry about the one litter!  My theory is that if you have more pups, then you have the same amount of worry to spread over more pups!  In reality though, raising the litter took so much out of me, I don't know when I'll do it again.  It's WAY easier to buy a pup from someone else!!  But the bond I have with Gypsy is just incredible and I love that I've known her since her very first (and somewhat gasping!) breath.  I just don't know if I can buy a pup from someone else now!  So for now, I'll keep on worrying about my six babies.  :-)

Live Every Day Like Its Your Last!

Chance getting some hydrotherapy

Live Each Day Like It's Your Last.  That's the new motto for both Sammy and Chance.  They are both quite old---Chance will be 16 in May and Sammy 14.  And they both have some pretty serious health issues that neither will recover from.  I am so incredibly blessed that they have lived for so long, but no one prepares you for the emotional toll that having geriatric dogs takes on you.  I find myself worrying all the time, though rationally I am fully aware that it does no one any good to worry.  But I can't help it, that's who I am.

I got some bad news on Chance this week, his bloodwork shows that his organs are all failing.  I guess I shouldn't have been surprised as he is old.  He had been feeling quite good for about six weeks then his appetite went off again which is why I had blood drawn on him.  Unfortunately, Chance isn't the best patient, he hates taking pills and will find them in just about anything.  So he's making it very hard for me to help him. But I have to respect that and make some attempt to accept it too.  My goal now is for him to be comfortable, eat something each day and hope he makes it to May 8th to celebrate.  I told him I'd get him an entire pizza if he did!!!!  

Sammy is struggling as well.  She likely has a meningioma on her spinal cord or in her brain.  It's a slow growing brain tumor and explains all the symptoms she's been displaying since last May.  But it's progressing now to the point where she gets lost, confused and doesn't seem to understand simple cues anymore.  And she's losing control of her muscles and body.  I hate saying this, but I barely recognize her as the dog I have loved for 13 years.  She's so different now.  Gone is the ever happy, bouncy, smiling crazy girl.  

 Sammy enjoying a hike in 2012

Then there's Scooter.  The little dog that could!  Scooter got hit by a car in 2003 and both of his front legs were shattered.  He shouldn't still be alive, never mind be able to walk.  Yet he's still here!  But he's really struggling with his legs, and feet since they splay out at a bizarre angle to compensate for his legs.  I know he's in pain, and I have him on as much medication as I safely can.  But his tail is still wagging, despite the pain.  He's truly been a dog that we can all learn a lesson from---despite his physical issues, he's been the happiest, sweetest dog I have ever known.  He takes every day as it comes and enjoys it.  But I know his legs don't have many steps left in them.

Every day I get up and make sure that Chance is still breathing, then see if he'll eat anything.  Then I evaluate Scooter to see how he is moving when he comes for his morning biscuit.  Then I wait for Sammy to get up to see how she is doing.  And I worry.  But I think if I didn't love them so much, I wouldn't worry so much either.

So I'll continue to worry and make sure that all of them have big adventure days and enjoy whatever time left they have with us.  How lucky am I to have such incredible dogs who just don't want to leave their lives here on earth???

Anniversaries....

Jive at 8 weeks

Sunday will be the six year anniversary of Jive's death.  The time between her birthday (2/26) and her death (3/9) is always hard for me.  Losing her was the most painful time in my life and this time of year, the pain often comes rushing back.  I grieve the loss of her physical presence, all the memories we missed out on together and how much fun we would have had.  It's still hard for me to understand why such an incredible being had to leave this earth so soon, but she sure has left a legacy.

Jive was the first dog I purchased as a performance puppy from a breeder who really knew what they were doing.  And Jive set the bar WAY high!  While she wasn't for everybody---she was very high drive and very high energy---she was as close to perfect as a pup can get.  She loved every dog and person that she met, but she loved me more.  She was brilliant, keen and always up for anything.  She loved to tug, retrieve and life was a big party for her.  She was just incredible.

Losing her sent me into a tailspin of sorts, trying to fill the void she left.  I will forever be grateful to the people who insisted that I open my heart to Rival, her half brother.  He's been such a gift, and even though it took time, he helped me heal.  But had Jive not left, I would never have known him and the absolutely incredible dog that he is.  And I never would have gotten Rumba or Dazzle, who are soulmates to their people now.  And I never would have gotten Rave....so there would have been no pups.  Which also means I wouldn't have the incredible people in my life that all these dogs and puppies have opened my world to!

This year my heart feels a bit fuller, and I am trying to focus on all the good that came out of her death.  This year my heart feels a bit fuller, and I am trying to focus on all the good that came out of her death.  I also have Gypsy, who is so much like Jive, it’s almost eerie.  They share that same joie de vivre and so many personality traits.  I’ve been saying since Gypsy was young that it feels like she’s been here before.  I was just thinking about the weekend I brought Jive home.  Tonya and I drove to Massachusetts to pick her up and Chance came with us.  Well, from the moment we put Jive in the car, Chance did not like her and wanted to return her!   I thought it was odd because he’s always like other dogs.  Well, guess who he also does not like?  Yup, Gypsy.  Pretty interesting.

It’s also very hard to be in a sad mood around Gypsy.  She makes me laugh and smile all the time.  She defines “live life to the fullest” and I adore her free spirit.  So on Sunday, I will remember Jive for who she was, and raise a toast to her.  But I also celebrate all that she has given in her death.  And I will be hugging my dogs extra hard and reminding myself how blessed I am to share my life with such incredible beings.

Both water junkies!

The best boy ever!

Time to write again!

Gypsy showing off her paw catching moves

I've been remiss in my writing.  I just didn't feel like I had much to say for a while.  But it's time to get back at it, especially so I can have a good record of Gypsy's training to look back on.

The pups just turned nine months old which is hard to believe!!  They are all just awesome and from all accounts, doing fabulously.  The one thing that seems very consistent among all the pups is how strongly they have bonded themselves to their people.  They all really seem to be very much "momma's dogs".  And that tells me a few things.  First, because they were all raised differently, there was likely a genetic predisposition for them to bond hard to their humans.  But also, that every owner has taken the time to really build a relationship with their pup and make themselves highly valuable to their pup.  And that just makes me happy!!!

All of the pups have been busy with different activities and foundation work, though I think it's been a challenging winter for the two Wisconsin pups.  They can't wait to see grass again!  The one thing I hoped to accomplish from this breeding was to add a bit more natural drive, and I can see that all six of the pups have a tremendous amount of natural drive and desire to work with their person.  They are all very intelligent and learn quite quickly.  Oh, and they are have GREAT tug and food drive, which is fabulous!!!

I, of course, adore my little girlie.  She's just such a happy pup, always ready to do anything with me and a total blast to train.  Now, she's still a bit naughty, and she's not keen on sharing me with the other dogs, but she just brings so much joy to my life.  Gypsy lives life to the fullest!

And Rave still absolutely adores her daughter.  It just thrills me that Rave was such a good mother and has such a great relationship with Gypsy.  Rave never really played with other dogs (with the exception of Dazzle) but she and Gypsy just love to play and wrestle.  I love just watching the two of them together, and I love how happy Rave is.

Here are all the pups at 9 months!  Aren't they all just beautiful????

 Jayce

 Latte and Java

 Ripp

 Envy

Moon