Breeding and anxiety

When I made the decision to breed Surf, I was super excited and very much looking forward to having puppies to raise as I really need some joy in my life.   Raising puppies is absolutely exhausting (to do it right, anyway) but incredibly rewarding and delightfully fun!  That said, as a licensed tech who worked with a repro vet for 10 years, I know all too well the multitude of things that can go wrong when you breed dogs.  It causes me great anxiety, and even more so this time around with Surf.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss!!!

Anyone that knows me, knows that Rival was a one in a million, he LIVED for me and we had the deepest bond that I have ever shared with a dog.  It was like he knew what I was thinking before I even had the thought!  Surf has always been sensitive to me, and after Rival died, she seemed to just know she had to take on a new role---both with me and the other dogs in the house.  In the wake of Rival's death, she and I bonded intensely and she's worked hard to fill the void he left.  And she's done an amazing job of it.  While I love all of my dogs tremendously, Surf and I share an incredibly intense bond now.

For those that followed all of her bad experiences as a puppy, it was clear that the trust she had in me as a wee pup had completely broken.  I couldn't keep her safe, and she knew it.  It's taken time, but now she trusts me completely again, and I am so grateful for it.  She trusts me to keep her safe, and I will always do my best to do that.  Even more so right now!

Rave comes from very fertile and easy whelping lines.  Priv does too.  I fully expect that if Surf is pregnant, that it should be a textbook pregnancy and whelping.  But, in the back of my mind sit the nagging thoughts of all things that can go wrong---resorption, stuck puppies, eclampsia, mastitis, the list goes on!  It's when I starting going down that road, that I have to remind myself that dogs have given birth for centuries, and Surf will be fine as long as I take good care of her and pay close attention.  The thing is, if anything ever happened to her because of *my* decision to breed her, I don't know that I could live with it.  And I think in general that is what separates breeders who have dogs just to use their reproductive organs vs. breeders who are breeding their beloved companions. 

So the best thing to do for myself mentally is be prepared for the worst, while thinking only the best thoughts!  I do think Surf was born to be a mother---she adores puppies, goes looking for crying babies and is just a gentle soul (except when it comes to playing with her momma or working sheep!).   She is a low stress dog by nature and knows how to chill when nothing is going on, so I think those qualities are good ones for a future momma.  Though I can still see her jumping out of the whelping box, over the baby gate and out the dog door when it's play time!

On top of my normal breeding anxieties, we now have the added anxieties of what is happening with this coronavirus.  Just working out the ultrasound for Surf was very stressful for me, since they don't want owners in the vet clinic anymore.  But I absolutely refuse to have a pregnant dog be put through the stress of being taken from me, flipped over my strangers and held down while being probed.  I am sure getting the xray scheduled will be equally as stressful on me!  And what if something goes wrong and we need medical intervention during whelping???  I hate the thought of her being taken away from me for even a minute.  Then we move on to when the pups are born, how on earth will I be able to socialize them as well as I normally do if we are still social distancing. That will take some creativity for sure.  And will the new families still be in a position to take them?  Can they arrange to come get the puppy?  What about socializing in their home at that point? 

I do believe the temperaments on these pups will be very sound.  I don't think limited socialization will hurt them tremendously---heck look at all of the horrible stuff that Surf went through as a baby pup, and how she's turned out.  No one would ever know now that at six months of age she was pretty traumatized.  Genetics plays a HUGE role in that.   The quality of socialization will be way more important than quantity.

We just don't know how the next few months are going to look, in any facet of life.  Everything feels uncertain and tenuous right now.  To stay sane, I make sure to exercise daily, get the dogs out for walks every day and focus on the positives we do have right now. 

Some wonderful folks are offering free online classes, which is amazing.  Jane Lindquist has a free online puppy class starting on Sunday.  Tracy Skelar has a free online puppy group running.  Folks are running first aid, fitness and mental management events for free.  What an amazing community to pull together and share as much knowledge as possible during these stressful and isolating times.

We have to wait five more days to find out if Surf is pregnant.  I can't wait to know!!!

The dogs we love

In having conversations with other folks the last few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about the dogs we choose to share our lives with.  The dogs I have now are considerably different than the dogs I had 20 years ago, before I got hooked on dog sports.  The dogs I had back then were "just pets" and I started dabbling in different things with them, to keep them happy and enriched.  Over time, I got more into the dog sports and the desire to have a dog that was easier to motivate and had more energy kicked in.

But now that we are in a state of social distancing, and dog sports are not an option at the moment, how does that affect the dogs we choose to live with?  Honestly, I doubt they really care as long as their needs are being met.  Sure, I have dogs that love going to agility trials and other events, but I truly think they are equally as happy going for a long hike, swimming in the pond or playing agility in the front yard.  Dogs don't need to compete at trials, heck for some dogs out there, they would probably prefer not to as their handler turns into a freak who they don't recognize sometimes at trials!!

Since I've had some things going on personally, I haven't even trained my dogs with any regularity since mid December.  I have not had the motivation, time or energy to do so.  Do they miss the training?  Yes, I surely think so.  Are they okay without it?  You bet they are.  They are still getting their daily walks and runs, they get enrichment in the form of frozen kongs, bones and food toys and they get daily play time with special toy-toys and sometimes a fun game of frisbee.  Even though they haven't been doing much training, they are still super happy and content just being companions!

One of the homes of a puppy from my last litter was concerned for a while that her puppy wasn't "keeping up with the littermates" and out there competing in dog sports.  When she got the puppy, she fully anticipated doing agility, dock diving and anything else her pup loved.  But her life changed unexpectedly, leaving not much room for any of that.  Because she was feeling like she wasn't meeting the needs of her dog, and perhaps disappointing me as the breeder, she considered returning him to me.  We had a very emotional conversation, and in the end, as long as any puppy I produce is LOVED, stimulated, exercised and enriched, how could I ever be disappointed?  Dog sports are not the be all end all.  When you have a dog who calms your anxiety, makes you smile when you are sad and is an integral part of the family, that's way more important.

As a breeder, I am producing pups that need a "job"---they are highly intelligent, energetic and have brains that need to work.  But that doesn't have to be a dog sport---they can be hiking/riding companions, service dogs, best friends to kids and backyard frisbee champions.  They aren't couch potatoes, that's for sure!  Yet, I also want them to be able to succeed in competitions, in whatever sport folks choose to do.  Because yes, I do like to be competitive---I don't see the point in training a dog in agility if you aren't going to compete.  I'd rather just train tricks or go hiking.  But I also like knowing that the dogs I produce can go out and compete happily, and have the mental resilience to handle the pressures of competing.  And I am always proud when they do well!  But I am equally proud of the dog that can run around in a pack of eight children and handle it like a champ!

It will be interesting to see how things play out over the next few months, without any dog events to attend.  But I can bet that it will be the people going crazy, not the dogs!  Since I decided to breed Surf, I had already pretty much accepted that I'd be home for a few months, aside from a couple of trials to finish Gypsy's ADCH (which I have to sit patiently on now!).  I try to limit exposure to pathogens for my girls when they are pregnant, and even more so after the pups are born.  So mentally I was fully prepared for some social distancing, while most other people had a full calendar to look forward to.

I am going to use this time to finally train Mako's contacts, revisit the many online classes I have in my library to train some new things and keep spending tons of time outside with my dogs!

Bonding

As most people know, last 2017 though mid 2018 was the worst time of my life.  It started with losing Scout unexpectedly to liver cancer in December, then finally losing Bliss to her horrible lung disease in May.  Right after that, Rival and Gypsy were bitten by the copperhead and mom went into hospice.  I was sure Rival had fully recovered from his horrible bite, just to find he had hemangiosarcoma in the location of the bite.  It was shocking as we had just ultrasounded and xrayed him in April to look for cancer (knowing his sire had died of HSA) and he was clean.  But the snake bite completely messed up his immune system and let latent DNA go crazy.  I lost mom on July 10th and Rival 12 days later.  Then two months later, Rob lost his Aussie to HSA as well but by that point I was numb and emotionless.

As often happens in life, things happen that we don't understand.  Mako was born on my beloved Chance's birthday, 20 years later.  And the breeder (who didn't know my Chance) named him Chance.  I wasn't looking for a boy, but I was hoping for a pup related to Rival at some point, and this was likely my last chance (no pun intended!).  But neither of the girls in the litter spoke to me. And little Chance did.  I would have no way of knowing that Rival would die a mere week after bringing him home.  This puppy walked into a complete shitshow.  I had nothing to give him, and the other dogs were also grieving and adjusting without their benevolent leader, Rival.  He was the king of my pack, the rock, and everyone's best friend.  None of us knew how to be without him.  But we had no choice.

The first six months of Mako's puppyhood are a blur.  I did very little with him, as honestly just getting up every day was a challenge.  I remember thinking that I couldn't wait until Mako was an adult, as I just didn't have the energy to raise a puppy.  It wasn't until I saw some behavior issues emerging that I actually got myself in gear to work with him more.  Thankfully, he was the kind of puppy that was okay without the emotional connection, he was happy to just play and wait for the bond to come.  He's always been happy and definitely could make me laugh even when I was sad.  He took it upon himself to lay on me every single time I cried.  If I was behind a closed door crying, he'd try to break it down to get to me to provide comfort.  Unfairly, I also found myself wishing I could just have Ri back, instead of him.

It's taken time to form a bond with him, and it's been slow to develop.  It's never been about him, but about my mental and emotional state after sustaining all the trauma of last year.  But from the beginning, Mako has very clear said I am his person and he's willing to wait until I am ready to open up to him.  At this point, he's 16 months old and I think he's a pretty awesome dude.  His temperament is just lovely, he's a working machine and sweet as can be.  He is a lot of dog--way more than either I or the breeder expected.  He's pushy, very physical and incredibly exuberant. But he's also very capable of being thoughtful in drive, which is huge.
 

He's been really good for the girls too---well except for maybe Rave, who still thinks he should go back!  Mako and Surf are BFFs and he's helped her recover from all her bad experiences, maybe just as much as I have.  He's never had a bad experience in his life, so he goes into everything head first and she follows his lead.  It took Gypsy a while to warm up to him, but she enjoys playing with him now, when she feels like it anyway!  She had a horrible time for about 6 months after Rival died, and didn't want anything to do with Mako.  But he won her over with his persistent charms.  :-) 

The universe had a plan with this guy, and I am so glad he's a part of our family.  Bruises and all! 

Super Surfer Girl!

It's been a long time since my last post and felt it was time for an update now that Surf is almost three years old.  I don't know where the time has gone!  Surf has matured into such a lovely young lady and I am thrilled with how she's recovered from her bad early experiences.

When we were at the beach for the 4th of July holiday, we had a situation that could have been awful.  But it showed me just how far we'd come!  We arrived at a soundside beach and we were the first ones there.  I had only Surf with us as we were hanging out with my niece for the day and didn't want too much chaos.  And Surf is Evelyn's favorite of all my dogs.  She was still on leash right near me as we got settled.  As we were setting up our chairs, tents, etc, another truck pulled in a few hundred feet from us.  They opened the back of the truck and instantly a huge silver pit/lab mix bolted for Surf.  He clearly had seen her from the car and was off like a shot towards us as soon as the door was opened.  Thankfully, I was facing that direction so I saw him coming and had enough time to react.  I got Surf behind me and held onto her leash with one hand and as the dog approached us, I was able to grab his collar with my other hand and hold him a few feet away from her.   I yelled for his owner to come get him and he kept screaming "he's friendly and just wants to say hi".  Well I yelled back that my dog did not want to say hi.  And he got mad at me! 

This is where things got interesting for me.  This man walks over, clearly in no hurry to get his dog, and says to me that he didn't bring a leash for his dog as he's very friendly.  I told him that my dog had been attacked numerous times by other dogs, and was not interested in interacting with his dog.  He actually had the nerve to tell me I should just let her say hi, they'd be fine.  Mind you, this dog was three times the size of Surf!  And while he certainly didn't look like he had any malicious intent, I still wasn't going to trust him!!!  The man finally grabbed his dog and walked off angry that he'd have to find something to secure his dog with.  Who goes to a public beach without a leash???

The best part about it was that Surf was totally cool.  She trusted that I had the situation handled and just sat behind me.  I was so proud of her!  It showed me just how far she's come in not only her own confidence, but also her trust in me.  We spent the rest of our time on the beach showing off what a good dog she is, even without a leash on!  Surf is starting to remind me a lot of Rival as he matured---the kind of dog who knows how to behave in different situations and always tries to do what I ask of her.  Okay, except maybe when she's working sheep!  But boy is she a darn good one!

A Little Dose of Time!

Surf has had a super fun month!  We went on vacation the first week in August, and she went to sheep camp.  Julie Poudrier took her and put some solid training on her for a few weeks.  Surf was so happy to see me when I picked her up, but honestly if I had driven away, I am not sure she would have noticed!  I am pretty sure she'd like me to just move there with her.  :-)

During that time, she went into heat and so she did not get out and about much for a few weeks.  So we headed out last week on an adventure, first to my mom's apartment and then to the pet store in a very busy shopping center.  Surf had a blast and even enjoyed meeting another dog in the pet store.  Someone recently said to me that all Surf really needed was "a little dose of time".  And I think that is so true.  I am trying very hard to set her up for only success and keep building her confidence back up. So far it's working!

Her agility training is coming along, albeit slowly.  I am in no rush with her, and I am going at her pace, letting her tell me when she's ready for thing.  I have to regularly remind myself that despite looking physically mature, she is still very much a baby.  So many people seem to be in such a rush to get their pups up and running, and I just don't know why.  Let them grow up, and mature both physically and mentally before pushing them too hard.  I want my dogs running well at 10, and I think while some of that is good genetics, a huge part of it is not pushing their bodies and minds hard when they are young.  Sure, some dogs can handle it, that much is clear.  But why risk it?  Gosh, then only get to the young once, let them enjoy it by playing lots, teaching tricks, going for hikes and having fun adventures.

Having Gypsy injured for half of this year has also really made me evaluate my training and goals.  I want Surf to just enjoy being a pup, and learn how she fits in this world, without feeling any pressure from me.  As I've said before, she loves herding and I am going to keep at it with her and see how far we can get.  It's so good for her confidence too.  I love how when she goes to sheep, she just knows what to do---it's all SO natural.  Agility is not natural at all!!!

Gypsy seems to have fully recovered now, though I am still being cautious with her agility training.  I haven't seen any sign of weakness or lameness is 2 months now, and I sure hope it stays that way!  Gypsy lives for agility, and I hope we can continue playing the game for a very long time.  We did not get all the Q's we needed for Cynosports, so we can only run in team and steeplechase, but that is still huge considering we only ran in three trials with tournaments this qualifying year year (between the puppies last fall and then her being injured).  So considering that, her two team Q's, two steeplechase Q's, and one Q in GP and biathalon and one in MCJ are pretty impressive!  We could have entered a few more trials here at the end of the season, but I felt that our time was better spent training and conditioning, as well as getting some much needed beach therapy.   It might not be our year to shine, but we will have fun no matter what!

Happiness is a Happy Pup!

It's been about 6 weeks since I posted about Surf's early experiences and the issues we have been dealing with.   Since then, she has done really well with the exception of dogs barking in crates in her agility class.  The format of the class changed at the beginning of the new session.  No longer were all the dogs out on the floor working at the same time. Now they are crated while waiting their turn to go on the floor to do the exercise.  And guess what that means? WAY more barking and whining from the crating area.  I found that she was able to hold it together for about half the class, but then was going over threshold.  So I have had to get creative, and take lots of mental breaks, but this past week in class she was just super.

A few weeks ago, we went to visit a new farm where Surf will be staying for some herding training while we go out of town.  As I mentioned in a previous post, Surf has very different expectations of dogs in a herding environment vs. an agility environment.  Right before she went into to work some goats, she had to walk by a bunch of dogs making some noise in crates (all wanting their turn on the stock!). She didn't even look their way.  The arousal level of dogs who are working stock is VERY different from the arousal level of dogs working in agility.  And Surf very clearly knows that.  She's a smart cookie.

We also went to an indoor agility trial last weekend, with lots of dogs crated in two good sized rooms, and I was fully prepared to have Surf need some extra support in the environment.  To my surprise, she had absolutely no issues.  The dogs barking in crates did not worry her.  She was super confident, happy to take treats and tug, and started dragging me back in the building when I got her out of the car!  She also made a fun new friend---a BC pup about three months younger. The instant Surf and Vanquish saw each other, it was game on!  They played for a very long time, it was just adorable! Surf also met a few other dogs, said hi to some people and just had a positive experience.  Yay!!!! Have I mentioned that I am still in awe of her resilience?

This past weekend we met up with a few other dog friends. First we went to Bella's house and had a play date there.  Bella is a black lab, and Surf loves her--which makes me happy that Surf isn't a breed snob.  :-)  Then we had an outing with puppy border collie Charlie.  First we hit up Tractor Supply where Surf taught Charlie how to climb on all the things!  And they had a play session the hard store floor, rolling around playing bitey face.  As we were leaving, a little Jack Russell went crazy barking and lunging at Surf and Charlie, all from the comfort of his seat in the shopping cart.  Surf barely even looked his way!  Then we went over to a local park to work on desensitizing the pups to screaming kids, who were in the pool.  A huge success all around!  They saw people riding bikes, kids running with big tubes and lots of traffic.

Right now, I am feeling super optimistic that Surf is going to be just fine. She may be the definition of resilience!  This week, she is heading to sheep camp while we go on vacation.  This is the first time I will be away from her since she was born!  I know she will be in the best hands, and will LOVE getting to work the woolies (or goats) a few times a day.  She may not want to come home!  I am hoping the experience will boost her confidence even more.

I am in no rush to do anything with Surf, this whole journey is about her timeline and keeping all of her experiences going forward positive ones.  In order to compete successfully in agility, she needs to be totally relaxed in her environment.  Some trainers would say to get her to focus on me and ignore the environment.  And for some dogs, that might be the right choice.  But for Surf, I know that it's not.  Surf needs to check out her environment, assess any potential dangers and feel comfortable before she can fully connect with me.  So I will allow her to do perimeter sweeps and whatever she needs to do before asking for her focus.  I think it's only fair, after all she's been through.  Surf has lots of drive, is very clever and has a nice desire to please.   It will all come together but until then, we'll just keep having fun!

Super Surf is 10 months old!

I don't know when it happened, but Surf looks like a big girl now.  She has always been a mature puppy---definitely a wise old soul.   That's not to say she doesn't have her crazy moments, or lapses in judgement.  :-)   Physically now, she looks like an adult and I have to constantly remind myself that she is far from being physically mature.  It's can be so easy to rush a puppy into training, and push them harder than we should---we see it all the time in videos being posted to Facebook.  And sometimes I get caught up in wanting to try something, but then I always take a step back and remind myself that Surf is still a baby.

Hopefully we have the next decade to play agility together, or any other sport she might like.  Right now is the time we have to focus on our relationship, her body awareness and thinking skills that will set her up for success down the road.

Surf absolutely loves working sheep, and I wasn't sure how much I should be letting her go herding.  She was pretty crazy at first, but now she's gotten pretty dialed in to not having to work them at a million miles an hour anymore, so I worry less.  The herding gives her so much confidence!  You can clearly see her genes at work, and how much of her grandparents show up in her.  Surf has SO much eye, and she finally knows what to do with it.

It was very interesting to see how she handled agility class on Thursday and herding on Saturday last week.  Surf is still very distrustful of dogs in agility class--and rightfully so.  She does really, really well when all the dogs are out on the floor working.  But when she's the only one on the floor, and the others crated and making lots of noise, she struggles---not knowing if they are coming after her. She was able to work well for about 30 minutes, but then was just over threshold.

When we went herding on Saturday, it was in a new location, with a lot of new dogs around.  Some even crated next to the arena and making noise.  She never even noticed them barking!  She was just there  to do her job!  She was happy to say hi to lots of dogs, and even played with a wee 9 week old pup.  Surf was totally relaxed, no worries at all.  The ONLY environment where she gets worried is around the arousal of agility, and that seems to be confined to indoor locations, where we just can't get far enough way from the "barking crates".

My goal continues to be to desensitize her to that environment, as well as build her confidence in herself and trust me.  But for now, she just gets to be a puppy.   We play a ton together and I've been working on new tricks with her---just no pressure stuff.  Part of my challenge is going from Gypsy---a balls to the wall girl who you could hit over the head with a  2x4 and she'd keep working---to Surf, who is much more thoughtful and honestly more "normal".  Surf has tons of drive and is wicked smart but thinks things through before reacting.  Gypsy rarely thinks about anything before acting---she is just a freak of nature.  :-)

I adore both of them, and respect them for who they are.  And I am SO grateful that they get along so well!